For most people, the attachment style they developed in childhood is likely to carry on into their adult years. This is great news for those with a secure attachment style, but if you or your partner struggle with relationships, you may feel as if that’s just who you (or they) are. The truth is, you can develop a secure attachment style no matter what stage of life you’re in.
Recognize Your Current Attachment Style
Identifying your current attachment style—and that of your partner—is the first step to developing a more secure relationship. Knowing your attachment style also helps you better understand what changes may be beneficial in your life. For example, if you have a dismissive-avoidant style that makes it hard for you to form intimate relationships, it may be especially helpful to focus on sharing positive thoughts and feelings with your significant other.
Communication is the bedrock of a secure relationship. No matter what your attachment style, it’s important that you and your partner make time to share your thoughts and feelings with each other. This can be more difficult for some people than for others. If you find yourself struggling to open up, it may be a good idea to make a list of questions, or use a ready-made list such as this one, to give you a place to start.
Use Supportive Language
Healthy respect for yourself and your partner is key to developing a secure attachment style. Make a special effort to build one another’s self-esteem by using positive language in your interactions, pointing out things you admire about your significant other, and expressing that you value and love them. Be sure to do the same in your self-talk.
One of the many great resources you can use to build a secure attachment style is therapy. A therapist or counselor can help you identify your current attachment style, better understand it, and guide you through the process of developing a more secure relationship. Our team of professionals is on hand to help you through each step of developing a secure attachment style. Please contact us to learn more.